Even before all of turmoil in association with Vietnamese adoptions came to a head, we noticed things that that were being said and done that made us suspicious. Our agency tried to quiet our fears. For MONTHS when we would voice our suspisons we would be dismissed. We became more and more uneasy as we were pushed to get things done faster and faster. We were even being pushed to do our homestudy as quickly as possible. It was with broken hearts we realized that our precious little boy would not come home.

I know for a fact that our agency knew that there was a risk that Vietnam would close. It was not until we called their sister agency, where our agency actually got their children, and was told that they were telling their parents to change countries that we realized that our agency was not being completely honest. I had to contact the President, CEO, and founders of the agency and demand that they be honest with the parents that were waiting for their precious Vietnamese children that any action was taken.

I believe that SOME agencies were not honest about the sitution as it was and is in Vietnam. (From what we could see, ours had a good reputation) However, I also believe that there are agencies, such as the one that told us what was really happening, should be commended for how they have handled this crisis.

This has been a difficult time for those of us who wanted so badly for our children to come home. I know that for me, personally, my heart is still attached to my son, Dylan. I think about him everyday. I pray for him, and cry for the lost memories and love that could have been ours. He is my little boy, the child that I lost in the midst of corruption.

I don’t know when Vietnam will open again. I don’t know if my little boy will ever come home. I do no know that my husband and I are allowing ourselves to heal. Since we lost Dylan, we have not tried to have children, naturally or through adoption. It was too painful to think of other children in our home.

But things are slowly changing. We plan to have our first child, naturally, within the next year or so. We want to adopt our next child from Ethiopia. Maybe in the years that stretch between then and the time we adopt our third child, Vietnam will be open again. If not we will bring our third child home from the Philippines.

I do know this. I WANT Vietnam to be opened by time we are ready to adopt our Asian child. Maybe, at that time, Dylan, who will be a teenager, will come home. We know where he is. We know what orphanage he is in. However, even if he doesn’t there will be another child; a beautiful child with dark, slanted eyes and olive skin that will come home. One that we will love and cherish.

I still have Dylan’s pictures. I cannot throw them away. In his eyes, I see the eyes of the brothers and sisters that he may not know but will still know about him. I am more determined now than I ever was before to make a difference for the children of the world.

You see, even in the pain of our loss. There is hope. Hope that one day our home will be filled with laughter and love that only children can bring. Hope that one day, our little boy really will come home.

I agree with all of the points made by you, Nicki. This is very sad but has put me into a situation that means I must act. I thought I had done many things right with ethics and asking questions. But I do have to talk to my child someday about his circumstances.

I am saddened for the people who find themselves with no referrals. However, I hope that Vietnam does NOT open again until there is a system that is accountable. I search the listserves each day for new articles. No parent, adoptive or birth, should have to do what many of us are doing—- questioning the legitimacy of the process we participated in. Any new system should have safeguards for all built into it.